Power

Today is Monday, May 25th and today I’ve been in a segregation cell for 

56 days.  It sounds worse than it is though.  It took a couple of weeks to 

get used to being in an 8 X 12 room for 24 hours a day.  I think I’ve stepped foot out of here ten times since they moved me in here on March 30th.  This is actually my second seg cell since then, it’s cell #14. 

When they first housed me in this section, they put me in cell #15 which is two cells away from the main hallway through this housing building.  One night at about 10:30 or so, I plugged my CPAP machine into the wall outlet, and nothing happened.  It took about an hour of waiting for them to try to locate the breaker box before the CO figured out that there is an outlet right outside of my cell.  So, we plugged it in outside of the cell and ran the cord under my cell door.  I powered it that way for a couple of weeks before cell #14 came open and I requested to be moved over here where the outlet works. 

Our relationship with God is a lot like that.  Unless we are plugged into God, we don’t have His power in our life.  So, how do we plug ourselves into the power of God?  Through prayer!  When we attempt to live in the power of God without prayer in our life, it’s like me trying to use my CPAP machine while it’s plugged into an outlet that doesn’t work – it’s useless.

In Exodus chapter 24, Moses goes up to Mount Sinai and spends 40 days with God receiving the law, the Ten Commandments, and instructions for making the tabernacle.  (I believe that Mount Sinai is actually in modern day Saudi Arabia.  Look up a website called “Real Mount Sinai” to get some more information on that, it’s an interesting study.)

The children of Israel had been using the power of God that came from Moses’ relationship with God.  Most of them were plugged into Moses rather than God.  He was their leader who brought them out of Egypt.  

So, when Moses left them for 40 days, they were lost.  In chapter 32 of Exodus, they go to Aaron and demand that he make for them gods to go before them to replace Moses who was their power source.

Exodus tells us that Aaron took gold earrings from the people and used the gold to cast a golden calf for the Israelites to worship.  The gold and the false god were both from Egypt.

In verse 7 of Exodus 32, God tells Moses to get down from the mountain to go and see what his people were doing.  When Moses came down, he found them worshiping the false god in very ungodly ways.  He asked for people who were “on the Lord’s side”.  The sons of Levi showed up to help out.  Moses had them go and kill those who were taking part in the ungodliness as God had instructed him.  They killed 3,000 men that day. 

It’s in the next chapter where I am focusing.  We see God talking to Moses about His plans for their future journey into the promised land.  In verse 2, He tells Moses that He will send an angel ahead of them.  

And then in verse 3, God lets Moses know that because of the stubbornness of Israel that God will not be going with them as they go in because He already knows that He would kill them on the way.  It sounds like a rough road trip with the kids, brutal!

I love Moses’ response and that has been my focus in the rest of this study.  In verse 7 of Exodus 33, the Bible says that Moses set up the tabernacle as a mobile home – God loves rednecks, lol.  As Moses enters into the tabernacle, God speaks to him through a cloudy pillar.  In verse 11, God and Moses speak together just as two friends would, speaking face to face.  Moses knew that he needed to get ahold of God for a serious face to face talk, so he prepares himself to do so.  He has the house of God set up just so he could go inside to have this discussion with God.  What do you do to prepare yourself to talk to God?

Now Moses begins his plea to God.  He brings up the promise of God and the fulfillment of Moses bringing the people out of Egypt.  He reminds God of what He had said, “I know thee by name” and “thou has also found grace in my sight”!  Now, Moses levels with God when he says, “I pray thee, if I have found grace in thy sight, show me now thy way, that I may know thee, that I may find grace in thy sight: and consider that this nation is thy people.”

We see God’s response to Moses in verse 14, “My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest.”  What a great promise! 

Moses, in a sigh of relief I’m sure, responds in verses 15 and 16 and says, “Good, because if you’re not going with us then don’t send us.  Because we wouldn’t last in that land without you.”

You and I have that promise as well that He will be with us.  Jesus says in John 10:27, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.”  When we receive Jesus as our savior, we become one of his flock.  Notice that he doesn’t call us lions.  He doesn’t refer to us as a strong, independent, smart animal.  He identifies us with a herd type animal who would be stupid enough to follow the one in front of him off the edge of a cliff.  But sheep also follow their shepherd with absolute faith, knowing enough to realize that he will protect them and lead them safely through the rocky terrain.  Think about it, it’s a great picture of the human nature. 

He knows us and when we belong to Him, we know his voice.  “I know thee by name” was what God had told Moses.  Moses goes on to say, “I pray thee that I may know thee….”  Our desire as a child of God is always to know God better. 

David tells us in Psalm 63:8 that it should be a continued pursuit.  He says, “My soul follow after thee.”  And in Psalm 42:1 he says, “As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God.” 

The promise that God gave to Moses in verse 14 he also gives to us, and that’s a promise that I’m holding onto, or rather that is holding on to me right now.  If everything in the Federal transfer system is up and running, 

I will most likely be on my way through the transfer process to a Federal prison by the end of June.  Maybe Exodus 33:14 should be my first prison tattoo?  LOL, just kidding.  I don’t have any tattoos and I’m planning to keep it that way.

Not long ago my dad told me that if he could, he would go with me and do my time with me.  I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but I’m telling you that I would not be able to do this without God being with me. ❤

Right now, He’s working through people to give me “rest”.  Scripture is filled with God's promises to provide rest when we seek Him. God is an endless source of peace and strength and He created us to need Him!

Being able to have contact with “my people” on a daily basis has been amazing.  However, when I get to prison, I will be limited to 300 minutes a month of phone time so I’m thankful for the daily contact that I enjoy now.

God has also worked through activities like studying the Bible and writing about it, reading a lot of books, drawing, and working out physically.  I’m sure a lot of things will be different for me in prison than it is in this county jail, but He will go with me.

God promises again to Moses in verse 17 when He says, “I will do this thing also that thou hast spoken: for thou hast found grace in my sight, and I know thee by name.”  He knows my name!

Moses makes a request of God in verse 18 that we should be making every single day.  “I have seen thee, show me thy glory.”  Let me see you!  When you pray that, mean it sincerely and then get ready to see Him.

In verses 19-23, God tells Moses to go stand on rock (Jesus) and “I’ll put you in a cleft of the rock, protect you with my hand and then you will see my glory!”

Two hymns came to mind while I wrote that.  “Standing on the Promises” and “Cleft of the Rock”.  I miss singing hymns with my old church.

Prayer is our connection to the power of God in our life.  Moses knew that he and all of Israel needed God with them if they were going to be successful in doing what God told them to do.

In John 15:5 Jesus says, “I am the vine, ye are the branches: he that abides in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.”

A very popular concept here in jail is that if you read your Bible and you pray that God will give you a lighter sentence that He will do it.  God is not our genie in a lamp.  Don’t get me wrong, I pray for a light sentence if it’s part of God’s will for my life.  Proverbs 21:1 says that the king’s heart is in God’s hand and He turns it like the waters of a river whatever way God wants to.  I remind Him of that daily. 

I also pray that God’s will be done.  If a light sentence is what God has the judge give me then it will vastly improve my physical circumstances.  But, if He doesn’t, He is still God and is still faithful in his promises.  So, I also pray not my will, but Thy will be done.  I pray daily for the grace to submit to my authorities and to be in subjection to the will of God.  I pray every day that God goes with me and that I can produce spiritual fruit.

There is one last thing I’d like to look at and think about.  In chapter 34, God tells Moses to come on back up to the mountain so that He can fix the stones that Moses broke.  When Moses goes up, God reveals His glory to Moses and speaks to him.  Then when Moses comes down from the mountain, he is different.  His skin was glowing, giving off the light that God’s glory gives off.

We as Christians should desire to get close enough to God that other people can see His glory through us!

(You can see from the labels on this post that I have my own PPE 😊)

Light

Psalm 119:105 says “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”  

I see two different lights in this verse.  First, I see the lamp.  A lamp that you carry with you doesn’t project light very far but gives us enough light to see our feet.  The second light seems to be a light that is going ahead of us to show us the path ahead.

I started hunting about 12 or 13 years ago.  Deer season in Texas is the best season.  The guy that I’d go hunting with would use a deer stand close to where we were able to park the truck, but my deer stand was much further away.  It was about a ten-minute walk.  Because deer start to move just as the sun is coming up, it’s a good idea to already be in the stand well before sunrise.  Having a flashlight is essential in those early dark hours. 

One cold, Texas morning in December we headed out to the ranch where we hunt, and I forgot to bring my head lamp.  That day I decided to try out a few different rifles.  I had my 30-30, my AR-15 for pigs and coyotes, and I brought along my M-44 cannon to see if I could hit a deer using just the iron sites on it.  I had both the 30-30 and the M-44 slung over my back and I carried the AR with a strap and also carried it with my right arm.

In my left hand was my spotlight.  This light was very powerful and allowed me to illuminate my path far ahead of where I was walking.  

I learned that day about how important the headlamp is.  Because I was focused 50 yards ahead of me, I wasn’t focused on what was right in front of me and my foot found a large rock.  I was walking pretty fast at the time and I barely got my arms under my body as I did a face plant in the dirt.  Both of the rifles on my back plus the weight of my AR and all of the other gear I had on me weighed me down and added to the huge thump.  Any deer within a mile was laughing at my calamity, lol.  My hunting partner said he didn’t hear me fall and I’m glad that no one was there to see it but God.  But, I’m pretty sure He got a pretty good chuckle out of it.

It’s important to have the light that illuminates our path ahead of us so we know which direction to go, but even more important is the lamp that shows us where our feet are stepping.

Tripping over that rock and falling on my face was a learning experience.  

I learned to focus on my feet and every now and then shine the spotlight up to check to see where I’m headed and keep me on the right path.

That’s what the word of God does for us.  It lights the path that we should be walking.  When we’re physically walking in the dark and need to light our path, we just need to click on the flashlight, but using the word of God for light takes more than just pushing a button.  Walking the right path takes a lot of work.

First it takes having that light in our life.  The gospel of John chapter 1 verses 1-4 and verses 9-14 tell us that Jesus is the Word and that He is the Light.  Verse 12 says “But as many as received Him, to them gave He the power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on His name.”

What is His name?  Of course, we know Him as Jesus.  Names are important, right?  The name Jesus comes from the Hebrew name Yeshua (Yehoshua).  There is a famous Old Testament character with the same name, we just translate it different.  Joshua and Jesus both come from the same Hebrew word meaning “to deliver; to rescue”.   That word most often is translated to be “God is salvation.” 

We also know him as Jesus Christ.  Christ is the New Testament word for Messiah.  Messiah means the anointed one.  If you’ve done any reading in the New Testament you’ve probably seen Him called Christ Jesus as well, meaning the one who is anointed to be the savior!  It gives meaning to the statement in John 1:12….”even to them that believe on His name.”

Have you trusted Jesus as your savior?  Jesus lived a perfect life according to God’s standard.  He voluntarily died on the cross, shedding his perfect blood – for you.  He took our sin upon himself and took the penalty for our sins.  He spent three days and three nights “in the heart of the earth” and rose from death.  His blood was put on the mercy seat of heaven and God accepted it as an atonement for our sin.  When you think about that Jesus was an actual man who walked the same earth as we do, it makes you realize the enormity of his sacrifice.

Salvation has already been planned out, executed, and is available to anyone who will call upon the name of the Lord.  Romans 10:13 says, 

“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." Saved from what? you might ask….We are saved from eternal separation from God.  (Isaiah 59:21)

Acknowledge that you’re a sinner separated from God.  Believe that Jesus died for your sins.  Confess Him as your savior.  (Romans 10:9-10) 

You can see that this is a two-way street – God freely offers this gift, but we have to accept it.  Salvation means you are securing a relationship with God.  It’s becoming an adopted child of God. 

Walking the right path with God is a separate part of our life from salvation.  Walking the path is what demonstrates our repentance.  It’s our responsibility to saturate our mind, heart, and life with the Word.  This is impossible without getting to know the word of God; luckily there are so many good ways to do this today.  My favorite is the old-fashioned way….reading it. 

I have a lot of extra time during this season in my life, so here’s what I do:  Every day I read three OT chapters, one chapter in Proverbs, five to ten chapters in Psalms, and one to three NT chapters.  Plus, any other study I’m doing and any kind of devotional book that I’m going through.  Right now, I’m going through and studying and cataloging information on each king of Israel from the books of Samuel through Chronicles.

 

You most likely have a smart phone which means you have easy access to the word of God.  There is a missionary organization called Wycliffe.  They have a school that is close to where I lived for almost twenty years.  For the last seven or eight years I have taken a group of people to attend a seminar there given by one the very enthusiastic staff members.  She tells us a lot about their history and stories about what things they are doing throughout the world.  One interesting story is about what Christians do in countries where the penalty for having a Bible – whether it’s a physical book or digital – is prison time or even death.  They of course have an app that has the Bible on it, but what happens if you have this and the authorities surprise you?  They developed an app that when you tap on it, this app deletes the Bible app and the deleting app as if it was never there!

I believe that if we want to read the Word that we should be able to find a way!  I like the app and the website blueletterbible.org.  I really enjoy the option to listen to the Bible on the free app as well as the amazing amount of study resources they have available.

Another great way is through music.  Listen to Christian music, that is music that contains Biblical principles in it.  Did you know that Satan is an angel of music?  One of his best weapons against us is having us listen to music that doesn’t glorify God but rather glorifies the flesh.  I love music and it’s really important to me and it’s great that there are a lot of very good Christian radio stations.  

Reading, listening to, consuming, and living the Word of God is a lifelong activity which is not a burdensome chore but is actually a joy and opportunity for growth.  ("How sweet your words taste to me; they are sweeter than honey." - Psalm 119:103)

When we grow, God continues to feed us and shines the light on our path.  Following that light does take action, it takes more effort than living a “normal life”.  It takes daily discipline and change, it takes sweat and tears, yet the rewards are great. 

So what are the rewards?  This is a whole subject unto itself!  In short, the rewards are blessings that God gives us – joy, peace, strength, faith, grace, and the promise/assurance that He is always with us and will light our path. He gives us the gift of His Spirit.  You can see why this is often referred to as “the good news”!  These are rewards of the gift of God’s love which is with us always, in moments of great joy or of great suffering.

James chapter 1 talks about this very concept of using the light of the Word.  

Verses 22-25 say:

 ²² But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

²³ For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:

²⁴ For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.

²⁵ But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and see that you have dirt on your face, messy hair, or missed a spot shaving?  I’m locked in an 8 X 12 cell and only step foot out of it once or twice a week and I still brush my teeth, brush my hair, and wash my face several times a day.

I look into the mirror and check to make sure my comb-over is in place, lol.

The word of God is like a mirror where we can check our reflection to see what we need to fix.  When we don’t actually fix what’s wrong or out of place, James said it’s useless to even look.

The word of God is the light unto our path that shows us our way in this life.

It’s the mirror that tells us what to change in in our walk.

It’s the lamp that shows us what we’re about to trip over. Use it!

I want to thank everyone for your love and support ❤  I hate what I did and where I’m at.  But God’s word promises peace through any situation (Philippians 4:11-12).  

Writing about what I’m studying, and sharing it gives me so much peace and joy that sometimes I even forget about where I’m at.

I’m appreciating the comments and I welcome your thoughts about anything I’ve posted or really about anything at all.  As I say all time, one of my favorite things right now is to receive and send letters.  I love you all and so does God!

My Journey So Far 2

I already knew that I would be going to prison.  I knew that my family was ruined, and my reputation with it. 

I also knew that I needed to get things situated financially for my wife.  I had planned on doing my best to prove to the judge that I could be trusted out on bond, but with the arrival of the Federal agents my bubble was burst.  My face must have shown my emotion because his face showed compassion.  Now, I found myself once again in his vehicle.  But this time I was in handcuffs and with a second agent along.  Now we were headed to the Federal courthouse to see a Federal judge.  This appointment with the judge was my second harsh reality moment.

After seeing the judge, I was off to my third corrections facility in three days.  It was early afternoon on Friday December 13th when I was booked into the housing unit in Federal custody.  The first hour I spent watching a PREA video.  PREA is the Prison Rape Elimination Act of 2003.  Of course, one stereotype of prison is how often people are raped.  This act has evidently cut down on the sexual assaults in prison.  Hearing this from the staff and later from other prisoners was one relief.

Booking into this facility was much easier than either of my first two experiences.  This was a city jail that the Federal government pays to house Federal inmates before their sentencing.  I let them know about my sleep apnea and realized that they never had given me the CPAP when I left the county jail.  Because I need to use the CPAP machine, I was housed in a segregation cell.  This cell was two to three times the size as the first cell I had been in.  It had a bunk, a desk with a microwave on it, a toilet/sink, a shower, a TV, and a DVD player.

Not too long after this I asked to make a couple of phone calls.  They bring the phone and hand it to you through the bean chute.  Up to this point, I had not been able to make more than a few calls and that had mostly been to arrange my bond.  I knew that I needed to contact my family to let them know what was going on and to have a real conversation.  I didn’t know who was going to support me through this and who would be too upset with me, or who would no longer want to be associated with me.  I knew that I had at least three people who would be there with me – my mom, my dad, and my stepmom.  I made three phone calls that evening, and I figured that these three people would possibly be my only support.  I was sitting on a concrete floor of my segregation cell with no hope in me at all, staring at the ceiling.  My first call didn’t go very well.  But my next call was to my dad and stepmom and the third was to my mom.  Those second two calls got my focus off of the ceiling and gave me a lot of hope.  This was my third moment of reality hitting me, but it was also the first moment that gave me hope and told me that I was still loved and would have help and support.

Although not everyone is willing to forgive me and have a relationship with me, and I understand and respect their decisions, the vast majority of my people are by my side.  Some of them have voiced their displeasure or sadness with my actions, but they all still love me.  I can’t begin to tell you the joy that brings to me.  I’ve been locked up for five months now and I can tell you that having this kind of strong support system is rare.

I have four especially important reasons to be OK – three kids and their mom.  I know that I am blessed to have a group of supporters who all want to see me and my family through this.

I spent two nights in segregation and because the county jail wouldn’t let anyone pick up my CPAP machine without a signed request form from me, they moved me into a general population tank.  It was a ten-man tank with ten single cells and a day room.  

In the day room was a TV, two tables, a microwave, a shower, and three toilet/sinks.  Each cell was about 6 X 10 with a bunk, a toilet/sink, and a small desk.

The other inmates accepted me in pretty fast.  They knew this was my first time being incarcerated and they were willing to show me the ropes and share what they had until I was able to get commissary.

Although I was still very depressed, I was able to relax a little bit even though this housing unit was also an echo chamber.  One of the inmates gave me an extra Bible which gave me comfort.  Another inmate gave me a couple of books and a coloring book after he saw me get some colored pencils and a coloring book from commissary.  In this unit I was finally able to send and receive mail. 

I spent Christmas with these guys and began to build friendships with a few of them.  Some of them had done time in Federal prison and they gave me pointers on how to make it in that system.  Their advice mostly came down to this: don’t gamble and don’t get involved with gangs or prison politics.  I plan on doing much more than just staying away from that stuff; my plan is to better myself while I’m there.

The morning after Christmas, one of the other inmates woke me up at about 3:45 in the morning and said that I was leaving, being transferred.  My heart dropped.  I was finally getting used to this place and my wife had been able to retrieve my CPAP which she was going to bring here.

I was transferred along with eight other inmates to the facility where I am at now.  It’s a county jail, that like the city jail, contracts with the Federal government to house Federal inmates.  They also house a lot of ICE detainees here.

The booking process here was definitely different.  Instead of cells, they had us wait on chairs in the waiting area.  They had a men’s and a women’s section right next to each other, although no one was allowed to speak to an inmate of the opposite sex.

Behind each set of chairs was a toilet/sink behind a small privacy wall.  The men’s room was in bad shape, so we had to share the women’s toilet with them.  It was all very awkward.  I kept to myself in the back and read my Bible most of the time.  This helped keep me from having to talk to anyone else.  That is until a very large dude with SS tattooed on his face and a giant swastika that covered his whole neck approached and sat next to me.  He asked if I was his “family”.  In my most unscared voice, I explained that I was in fact not affiliated with any gangs.  He was very understanding about it, whew.  He then recognized a black guy who had done time with him before, so he went and talked to his friend.  Prison culture is a different world than the real world.

Around 2:30 am on Friday, 12/27 I was housed in a 24-man tank.  

I was in one of the 8-man cells in this tank.  I was told that when my CPAP machine arrived that they would move me to the infirmary so that I could have an outlet next to my bunk.  There are only two other locations in this facility that they have an outlet close to a bunk.  One place is an area of 8-man tanks that houses medium and high security county inmates.  This area is known for being loud and the inmates are always looking to cause trouble.  The other place is a disciplinary section of segregation cells.

I did OK in the 24-man tank.  The Federal inmates run on respect.  

I stayed out of other people’s business and showed respect, so it went fine.

On Sunday, 12/29 at about 7:00 pm they housed me in a 6-man tank in the infirmary.  This became my home for just over three months.  It was a room that is about 15’ X 30’.  It contained six bunks, a table, a TV, a phone, a bathroom with a shower and a toilet/sink.  I would go weeks without being able to step foot out of this tank and that was OK with me.

Most everyone in this tank got along great.  I got pretty close with a few of the guys.  A couple of them were indigent and weren’t able to afford to order any extra food off of commissary or have other people order from the outside for them.  Me and two other inmates always ordered extra food in order to give the others some.  We would get together and order enough food to make a meal for all of us about every other weekend as well.

I learned a lot from one of the inmates who had spent seven years in the Federal prison system.  From studying his life and the lives of so many other inmates, I can see a huge failure in our prison system today.  The way that it’s set up right now, it helps to grow the criminal nature in the inmates rather than focusing on positive things or on the inmate being rehabilitated so that they can become contributing members of society.

On Monday 3/30, Sargent Goff came into our tank and told me and the other inmate with a CPAP to pack up our stuff, we were moving to the section with the 8-man tanks – the one that has a bad reputation and houses the medium and high security inmates.  One other Marshall (Federal inmates here are called Marshalls as we are not yet under the jurisdiction of the Bureau of Prisons) who also uses some sort of breathing machine joined us from the other infirmary tank.  None of us were happy about it, including Goff.

When we got to that section, Goff and the Lt. went to the tanks that had an open bunk.  Of course, the only open bunks were top bunks that were away from the one outlet in the tank.  Someone would have to give up the bottom bunk closest to the TV, the best spot in the tank.  Plus, each night at 10:30 the outlet was shut off to turn the TV off, so all three of us realized that this was not going to work.

The only other option for us was the segregation (solitary) cells.  That’s where all three of us are still housed 48 days later.  This section is where they bring inmates who are involved with things like fighting, stabbing, and even throwing a trash can through a giant plate glass window in the same section where we “refused housing”.  When I first got to my cell, my neighbor to the right had just been housed here for assault with a deadly weapon.  He had received four stab wounds in a knife fight between a gang of Mexicans and a gang of black inmates.  The inmate across the hall was involved in that too and he was only stabbed once.  It’s a fun section to be in, lol. 

In fact, while I was writing this update, I had my first experience with CS gas.

A young inmate was moved into the cell next to me and he has a reputation of causing trouble, which he immediately started to do.  He wouldn’t cooperate so they opened his bean chute and sprayed him with CS gas.  I think he must be used to it because he didn’t even seem overly affected by it.  They kept spraying and some of it leaked over into my cell and I spent about 30 minutes with a wet rag over my face trying to quit coughing.  More advice: don’t do stupid things and they won’t spray you!

I know that this is a long update, but I thought it would be good to catch people up that might not know anything about where I’ve been and where I’m at in this process. 

Since being at this facility, I’ve been to court twice.  The second time was to plead guilty to my charges.  Now, I’m waiting on the court date when I will be sentenced.  Because of the Coronavirus I might have to wait longer than I want to wait on the sentencing and then the transfer to prison. 

In the normal process, I would stay here for one to four weeks after sentencing.  Then I would expect to be sent to another county jail for a short time, after which I would catch a flight on the infamous Con-Air to a transfer facility in Oklahoma City.  I would then spend about six to eight weeks there before finally being transported to my designated Federal prison.

Depending on a lot of factors, I could be designated in one of three different security levels – high, medium, or low.  

(The BOP (Bureau of Prisons) has a lengthy set of guidelines/rules/regulations by which they determine placement, but it might just come down to where they have space available to house you.)

High security Federal prisons are also called Federal Penitentiaries (USP).  The only higher security prison that they have is the Super-Max.  High security prisons are where most of the violence happens, as many of the inmates have been violent most of their lives and have no hope of ever being free.  So, they have very little motivation to follow rules, like not poking people with sharp objects.  These high security prisons are also extremely hard to escape from, they have high walls with a lot of barbed wire or razor ribbon on top of them.  They have multiple guard towers with armed guards and are staffed with a lot of very tough guards whose only job is to keep inmates in line. 

In a Medium security prison, it’s a little more relaxed, although there are still a lot of violent criminals who will spend the rest of their lives behind bars.  They have a little more motivation to follow the no poking type of rules.  There is a higher population of non-violent criminals and inmates who are just waiting to do their time and go home.  The security presence is less here than it is at High security prisons, as well as having chain link fences as opposed to walls.  Movement inside of these prisons is not as restricted either.  There is a chance that this might be the security level where I’ll go to start my time.

Low security prisons are said to be as different as night and day, even compared to a Medium level facility.  Most everyone here poses very little threat to security or for escape.  These inmates are non-violent or have been non-violent for long enough to move down the security levels.  They are mostly just waiting to finish their time and go home.  This is where I hope that I will start and finish my time in prison.  It will be much easier here to avoid problems that happen in prison.  With the charges that I am facing and the time that I am facing, Medium or Low is likely where I will be sent.

There is one more security level.  Minimum security prisons are also called Camps.  At many Camps, there is virtually no security.  Some of them have no perimeter fencing at all and the inmates could just walk out of their dorm and off of the property if they wanted to.  This of course would be the best place to eventually end up, but it doesn’t happen often.

I think that’s all for now.  There is so much more to tell about, 

but I plan on doing all of that over time.  Once I leave here and

get settled into prison, I’ll be able to talk a lot more about certain details of where I am, where I’ve been and what I’ve seen and experienced. 

It has been a wild ride that I would give anything to get off of and go home.  But this is the consequence of my own choices.  Choices that I will never make again.  Once I leave prison and reenter society, I will be the most upstanding and law-abiding citizen you’ve ever seen.  I will never see this side of the justice system again.  

I will let God use my life, my mistakes, and my experience to reach and help other people.

Exodus 15:2

The Lord is my strength and my defense;
    he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
    my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

My Journey So Far 1

On December 11th at 6:00 am the Federal and local authorities executed a search warrant at my house.  I agreed to go to the police station to be questioned with a lawyer. (A bit of advice: If they want to ask you any questions, have a lawyer present!) I cooperated fully as I was led to believe that they were not going to arrest me yet.  I rode in the front seat of the lead investigator’s vehicle and we even stopped to get some Chick-fil-A on the way to the station, although I couldn’t really eat anything.  I was planning on taking care of getting everything in order over the next couple of days, but as soon as the interview was over, they arrested me and took me to the city jail.

I made a lot of mistakes during my interrogation.  These mistakes would have been prevented by having a lawyer present.  The job of the investigators is to build as good a case as they can for the DA and the prosecutor.  So, get a lawyer if you are ever in any position like this, whether you’re guilty or not. 

A lawyer will ensure that your rights are protected - make sure you get one.  If you don’t know or can’t afford a lawyer, ask for a Public Defender.  This is your constitutional right.

Getting booked into the city jail was very intimidating.  There were holding cells with a lot of other inmates being booked in as well.  There was one cell that had a single inmate who was violently coming down from a high.  He was taking his drug-induced anger out on the solid metal door, cussing and yelling to be let out.

The police who were working the booking area were very professional.  That is, they treat everyone as a threat to safety.  Being processed in was my first taste of feeling like I was less than human.

I was allowed into a small phone booth in order to be able to make a couple of phone calls.  At this time, I only had two numbers memorized.  So, I called my wife to get a couple of phone numbers and since I didn’t have anything to write with or on, I had to try to remember them.  My brain was already mush, so this was basically impossible for me and I had to call her back to get them again. 

It was on that second call that she informed me that she had just let our kids know that I had been arrested.  I could hear their reaction in the background and sadly, that’s not something that I will ever forget.  There are a lot of moments during all of this that remind me of the reality of the damage that I’ve done, and this was the first of those moments.

As I write this, I feel like it might sound as if I’m attempting to cause you to feel sorry for me and my family.  I’m telling you all of this not to gain pity but to be as open as possible in order to remind you to keep yourself from ever being in this position.  All of this was preventable, and I have brought this upon my family.

When I was finally booked in, they put me in a segregation cell.  It’s also called solitary confinement, the SHU (special housing unit) or even “the hole”.  It was about 6 feet wide and maybe 12 feet long.  It had a sink/toilet and a metal cot.  I was given a tiny toothbrush, toothpaste, a “mattress”, a blanket, and a small Styrofoam cup.

For dinner that night they put a sub sandwich, a bag of chips and an orange juice through the flap in the door called a bean chute. The sandwich was much like you would get from a vending machine after it was in there for a week.  I didn’t have an appetite at this point anyway and I just ate the chips and drank the juice.  I did make sure to drink a lot of water from the sink.

The area that I was in had all single cells and a common area, but no one was allowed out of their cells.  The common area had a TV up on the wall with ESPN blaring.  It echoed into my cell until about 10 pm when a CO turned it off.

During one of my calls to my wife, I had asked her to bring my CPAP machine to the jail.  I wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to do it or not, it was definitely a matter of prayer for me.  I think I wanted it as much for being able to feel like myself as it was for medical purpose.  I did not sleep at all that night.

Early the next morning the bean chute opened, and I was given a Honeybun, a small milk and orange juice.  I must have been pretty hungry as I ate the whole thing in few bites.  At about 9:30 am I was taken from my cell and lined up with about ten other inmates.  We were to be transferred to the county jail where we were to be arraigned and given the chance to be bonded out.  This was going to be my opportunity to get out and take care of some financial things.

I was handcuffed and shackled to a younger and much smaller man than me.  Walking to the transfer van was a lot like competing in a potato sack race with a partner.  The ride over to the county jail was pretty uncomfortable.  A few of the other inmates must have been smoking pot or carrying it when they were arrested as the smell of it was overwhelming in the van.  But I welcomed it as it was likely better than the smell of ten inmates who haven’t had a shower in a couple of days.

I thought being booked into the city jail had been bad, this was ten times worse.  We arrived at the county facility at about 11:00.  We went from one holding cell to another, and in between each one we talked to multiple staff members who were gathering information.  One of these desks was a medical area where I let them know about my sleep apnea and that my CPAP had been brought over and checked into my property.  The lady there told me that I would probably be without it for several days until I was cleared for it.  (With that, I started learning that nothing gets done quickly or efficiently in jail.)

We were told that it was likely that each of us would be able to go before a judge at either 4:30 or 9:00 pm to find out what our bail would be set at.  All of us wanted the earlier time so that we could be bonded out that same day.  If we got the 9:00 time slot, then we would have to spend the night again and be released the next day.  We all got the 9:00 time.  I was OK with that as I would still be able to be released early the next day.

In each of the holding cells was one or two phones that were basically speaker phones.  With about fifteen to twenty people in each cell, all trying to talk over each other, it was almost impossible to hear who you were talking to.  I was able to get through to someone who agreed to pay my bond and that let me relax a little bit.

When we were finally called into a small room to see the judge, we were called one at a time to move forward to stand before his desk where he would tell us our charges and the bail amount.  After my turn, I was handed a paper that showed my charges and the conditions of my release.  The instructions were to go to a building across the street to check in with the probation office and receive further instructions from them.  Then…I would finally be able to be picked up and start getting things figured out the next morning.

At this point, I had not slept in over 36 hours.  I was hungry and very exhausted both physically and mentally.  I had not had a shower since Tuesday and this was Thursday night the 12th.  I also hadn’t even been able to wash my hands with soap since my interrogation – can you say Coronavirus?! 

It was also my sister’s birthday and I hated that I was not able to wish her a happy birthday.

At about 11:00 pm we were called into a locker room type of area where we got a really ugly jumpsuit and some orange crocs.  We were then given a mattress, blanket, and pack of toiletries.  We were loaded onto the elevator and taken up to the housing areas.  I was the only one to be told to get off on the 7th floor and was directed to area C to get my cell assignment.  I was put into Pod #1 with five other inmates.  Although it was after lock down time, I talked the CO into letting me get a shower – that was glorious!  At one point during the booking process I had found myself laying on the floor next to the toilets using my sweatshirt as a pillow and to block out all of the loud noise as it seemed to be a competition among the inmates to see who could yell the loudest inside of the echo chamber that we were locked into.  You can see why I was so thankful for that shower!

When I came back to the cell, I was introduced to the other five guys.  I don’t recall any names or really any of their faces for that matter, but it was a good change of pace from the past few days.  I didn’t want to fall asleep because I knew I would keep everyone awake with my snoring since I didn’t have my CPAP machine.  They were all staying up to talk anyway so it was easy to stay awake.  Until one of them decided to start reading out load which put me to sleep like a little kid.  I imagine that I was snoring pretty loudly but apparently no one minded because I slept until breakfast which was at 4:30 am.  I ate my cereal and cake (standard breakfast) and went back to bed until 8:00 when the CO called me to go get booked out.  I jumped out of that top bunk and gathered my stuff as fast as possible.  Being fast was pointless though, it took another twenty minutes before an officer came up to get the three of us who were being released.  After we dressed back into our smelly street clothes, I noticed a staff member with a Starbucks coffee.  It made me smile knowing that I would soon have my own vente coffee with steamed half and half.

Around 10:30 I was called out of the tank that held about fifteen of us.  All of us had a positive mood since we were all leaving.  I signed for my property which was the CPAP machine and the drawstring from my running pants.  As I was signing, I heard someone beside me call my name.  I turned and it was the lead investigator in my case.  I said hello and thought to myself it was a coincidence running into him here.  But, the look on his face and the way another Federal agent flanked my other side told me it was no coincidence.  He said, "I’m sorry to do this but you are being taken into Federal custody."

Joshua 1:9     Psalms 34:18     Psalms 34:4     Isaiah 41:10